"You. Are. One."

It’s official: The Rooster Hannigan and Lily St. Regis of newsletters was not built for The Substance. And other stories.

We’re here to reclaim the “women’s magazine.” Every week, two veteran editors read it ALL to bring you everything we believe women’s media should be: juicy yarns, big ideas, deeply personal essays, hot goss, and the odd shopping tip—aka, the full Spread. Plus: original interviews, podcasts, and more. Come hungry!  

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Superspreaders,

Last week, an unexpectedly tense Spread retreat took place in Boston. Nobody’s saying it’s Rachel’s fault. But for night one’s entertainment, she did insist we see a little film that won the screenplay prize at Cannes. It stars Moore and Qualley, she said! It’s directed by a woman, she said! It’s an edgy commentary on aging and impossible beauty standards! Primo Spread fodder. Fast-forward two-and-a-half (or was it seven?) hours: We emerged from The Substance spiritually bloodsoaked, shoulders permanently attached to our ears. Or were those Rachel’s ears attached to Maggie’s shoulders? It was hard to say. The experience left us truly scrambled. We had read—and shared with you—so much about this movie, absorbing the message from countless critics that this film would be hard to watch, yet worth it: cool, thought-provoking, important. What we failed to grasp was that really this is a dressed-up horror flick. We point you to Spread idol Julia Turner of Slate’s Culture Gabfest, who captured our post-game conversation pretty much word for word: Like Julia, we felt bait-and-switched by a misogynist film masquerading as a feminist movie, but also, ultimately, by a one-note movie pretending to be profound. It hits the same ideas—and the same gross-out gore, and the same obsessive shots of Qualley’s radiant tuchus…folks, we get it!—over and over again, relentlessly, leaving its main characters and its audience begging for mercy. We still can’t shake the sound of Moore’s and Qualley’s faces repeatedly bouncing off of a bathroom floor. How many times does that need to happen in one movie!? 

Spreaders, we’re all in favor of a Demi revival, but we say The Substance lacks substance! Anyone else out there brave enough to watch and weigh in? We open the floor for debate… 

And you can imagine how we felt on night two of our retreat, when our entertainment was the VP debate! We’re not saying that one’s Rachel’s fault either but…

Dun, dun, duuuuuun.

Rachel & Maggie

P.S. We know, you’re busy people. But just in case you forgot to tune into our rip-roaring interview with GQ editor-in-chief Will Welch—lucky for you, it’s still heeeeeere. Listen like it’s going out of style, Spreadfam.

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Big fans of Vogue’s Billie Eilish cover over here. We can’t remember who started this look—did Eilish do the menswear thing before Highsnobiety-turned-Cosmo EIC (and Spread interviewee) Willa Bennett, or did Willa get there first? Is it just The Substance PTSD talking, or are these two wunderkinder morphing into one? Like, is anyone sure they exist in two different places at once? Okay, but have you checked?   

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Here’s what paid subscribers are hoarding like elementary school suburbanites on Spirit Halloween’s opening day:

• Shiksas-on-shiksa violence.

• A handy roadmap to Splitsville. 

• Father Cooper goes to Washington.

• An Oscar winner plays E. Jean. 

• An unforgettable conversation about abortion.

• Jackson, Mississippi, as innovation capital?